The side preference during a hug tells you how you feel.
Content warning
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The short story
Elias was nervous. Over the past weeks, he had talked to his new colleague Claire on a daily basis and the more they talked, the closer he felt to her. They shared not only a similar, almost childish humor but they also aligned in their values and simply clicked the moment they met. He had tried to casually get some information on her relationship status by talking about planned weekend activities and she never mentioned any boyfriend of hers. Eventually, she even mentioned that she had been single for several months now which got him even more excited feeling so emotionally close to her.
His shyness was however an issue. He did not dare to ask her out, could not bear the thought of her rejection and making things awkward in the office. He was waiting for some clear sign of her mutual affection to ask her out. But as the weeks went by, things stayed the same. They spent a lot of time together in the office, chatting and having lunch together, and he started to wonder what he was actually waiting for. If he wanted to have a chance, he needed to take a leap of faith. This was easier said than done however as his knees became weak and his arms became heavy whenever he wanted to finally make a move. So he decided to try it after the Christmas party, being likely loosened up a little from a few beers and the joy of the Christmas spirit.
And then the party came and passed. It was a beautiful evening, they played quiz games and had a Secret Santa session during which he got an ugly Christmas sweater that he was wearing now. They also did a karaoke session, and he sang “Winter Wonderland” together with Claire. It really was a blast. But his courage faltered when Claire said she was going home. He was so determined to finally ask her out, yet the words were stuck in his throat. She started saying goodbye to everyone, hugging all the other co-workers one-by-one. He watched her closely, still trying to find the guts to ask her on a date. Then she came to him, the last person to say goodbye to. She was smiling widely and opened her arms to embrace him tightly. It felt so good, feeling her physically close. And then she let go. His disappointment was immediate, he still couldn’t say anything other than: “Good night, have a safe ride home!”.
As Claire was leaving the room, something struck him, however. Something was different. He had watched her so carefully when she was hugging the others to say goodbye and it was always the same pattern. Right arm over the shoulder and the head positioned on the left. But when she came to him, she offered him the left arm, positioning her head to her right. And he suddenly remembered a catchy headline he had read on the cover of a popular science magazine years ago. “The side of the hug determines how you feel”, he recalled. Back when he read it, he did not believe it one bit. Another oversimplified and exaggarated click-bait claim by the media like “Drinking wine is just as healthy as going to the gym” or “The way you sleep reveals how long your relationship will last”. But what if there was anything to it after all?
And suddenly, he felt his courage building up. He got up and left the room to try to catch her before she left the buliding and all his inner momentum would fade away. He was running down the hallway, speeding towards the elevators. When he turned the corner, he almost crashed into her as she was still waiting in front of them. She looked at him confused: “Anything wrong? What’s the rush?” He was slightly out of breath already. “Sorry, I just wanted to ask you something before you left.” The elevator had arrived, but her focus was now fully on him. He hesitated, but it was now or never: “I… I wanted to ask you, if you’d wanna… well, go on a date with me?”. Her slightly puzzled face blushed a little after he had finally asked the question he wanted to ask so many times. “Well, how about we go for a drink right now?”, she asked with an emerging smile.
This story was originally written in English.
The papers
Packheiser, J., Rook, N., Dursun, Z., Mesenhöller, J., Wenglorz, A., Güntürkün, O., & Ocklenburg, S. (2019). Embracing your emotions: Affective state impacts lateralisation of human embraces. Psychological Research, 83, 26-36. https://doi.org/10.1007/s00426-018-0985-8
Packheiser, J., Schmitz, J., Metzen, D., Reinke, P., Radtke, F., Friedrich, P., … & Ocklenburg, S. (2020). Asymmetries in social touch—motor and emotional biases on lateral preferences in embracing, cradling and kissing. Laterality, 25(3), 325-348. https://doi.org/10.1080/1357650X.2019.1690496
Connection between story and paper
This story was inspired by a publication on the lateralization of human hugging conducted by researchers at the Ruhr University Bochum. Laterality describes the sidedness of things, most well-known in the case of human handedness as most humans show a right-hand preference when performing manual tasks such as writing or brushing their teeth.
The related publications investigated if side biases also exist for human hugging by combining field observations of people in natural environments and laboratory experiments during which participants huggend mannequin figures. Both research approaches showed identical results, namely that humans generally prefer to have their right arm over the left shoulder of their hugging partner and putting their head on their partner’s right shoulder. However, this laterality changes in highly emotional situations. At airports, the researchers looked specifically at arrival and departure hugs that are usually more heartfelt goodbyes and reunions, and compared them to rather neutral hugs of people on the street. In the laboratory, participants listened to highly emotional or neutral short stories before their hug and the researchers also recorded the sidedness. The results were highly consistent across conditions as emotional hugs were different. People lifted their left arm over the right shoulder of their partner more often and placed their head on their partner’s left shoulder. These results were confirmed in another study, illustrating their robustness.
So the next time you hug someone, pay attention on which side they do it. You might get to know their feelings a little better!
The author
Julian Packheiser is a postdoc at the Ruhr University Bochum studying the mechanisms and health effects of affective touch with a high interest in contextual factors surrounding tactile interactions.
